Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Sum of All Years

"Tears are words the heart can't express" - (unknown source)

I don't often weep, and I don't often dream (that I can remember). In the last four days, I did a good deal of both, fueled by excesses of joy and sorrow.

The slow recovery of the clarity of my physical vision was paralleled by a far more significant existential maturity of emotional vision. I haven't in 11 years let anyone in close; not really. I'm a very private person by nature and through conditioning, and I don't tend to have the same emotional... needs as others. I find it easy to shut people out, and ignore natural impulses. I've done it all my life. Most of that changed in the last four days, and that has altered me completely as a human being.

It's said that doing the right thing is rarely ever easy. The truth of that statement became painfully clear to me; like a punch to the gut. People can make choices that are right, but that seem utterly contrary to purposes of those involved. They aren't, but in the moment, in the short-term, they are. Actually, sometimes, without conviction or faith, it can be contrary in the long-term because a person(s) doesn't follow-through or remain true to the original intent of the decision. It's hard to envision the big picture when all one is given is a fragment. But those fragments can be life-changing. Also, life is fragments; a beach of time, per se.

I just finished watching Ultra Violet in an attempt to distract myself, and there is a very interesting line that snagged my attention: "... these moments... as beautiful as they are... they're evil when they're gone." That can seem true, but if one allows that mental state to actualize (namely that things became stale or bitter)... well, what's the point of any happy moment (or any moment at all?)? Happiness, no matter how brief, should never be erased from memory nor is it ruinous. To allow that is to succumb to spiritual defeat.

No comments are being allowed for this post because there is nothing for anyone to say, and no questions that I would answer.