Sum of All Years

"Tears are words the heart can't express" - (unknown source)

I don't often weep, and I don't often dream (that I can remember). In the last four days, I did a good deal of both, fueled by excesses of joy and sorrow.

The slow recovery of the clarity of my physical vision was paralleled by a far more significant existential maturity of emotional vision. I haven't in 11 years let anyone in close; not really. I'm a very private person by nature and through conditioning, and I don't tend to have the same emotional... needs as others. I find it easy to shut people out, and ignore natural impulses. I've done it all my life. Most of that changed in the last four days, and that has altered me completely as a human being.

It's said that doing the right thing is rarely ever easy. The truth of that statement became painfully clear to me; like a punch to the gut. People can make choices that are right, but that seem utterly contrary to purposes of those involved. They aren't, but in the moment, in the short-term, they are. Actually, sometimes, without conviction or faith, it can be contrary in the long-term because a person(s) doesn't follow-through or remain true to the original intent of the decision. It's hard to envision the big picture when all one is given is a fragment. But those fragments can be life-changing. Also, life is fragments; a beach of time, per se.

I just finished watching Ultra Violet in an attempt to distract myself, and there is a very interesting line that snagged my attention: "... these moments... as beautiful as they are... they're evil when they're gone." That can seem true, but if one allows that mental state to actualize (namely that things became stale or bitter)... well, what's the point of any happy moment (or any moment at all?)? Happiness, no matter how brief, should never be erased from memory nor is it ruinous. To allow that is to succumb to spiritual defeat.

No comments are being allowed for this post because there is nothing for anyone to say, and no questions that I would answer.

Vision Thing

Sisters have Mercy, I am beginning to really see again. I'm at approx 85% of my prescription strength, but my light sensitivity is going away and the stability of my vision is improving. I just had the contacts removed, and am now only on "eyeroids" as Adam calls them; steroids for my cornea.

I have more packing to do, as I move out of this place on Friday. Also, I was in at the Chinese Embassy today going through visa info. I needed passport photos (though smaller) taken for the application. I'll take the completed form in tomorrow. It's a long walk... down on Patrick St, right near a bridge to Hull. Looks like I'll soon be all set. I can't believe June is almost over.

That's it for now.

The Art of Ending

"Great is the art of beginning. Greater still is the art of ending."

Saying good-byes are weird, especially after a relatively routine activity; say one that's been consistent for 2.5 years. I had my last D&D game last night with the gang, and after Todd dropped me off, I almost just got out of the car and walked into my apartment with the usual "see you guys next week". It was also strange closing off the game itself (with regards to me as a player). Like closing the curtain after a 2.5 year stage play.

Good-byes can be so anti-climactic. It always feels like there is more to say than there actually is, or that some event that shatters the mundane is required in order to legitimize the leave-taking. This makes me glad that there will be a more social, fun and different venue for saying good-bye to all my friends. I'm really looking forward to that night on the 7th. Also, I shouldn't be as stressed by that time as I am right now. Too much is happening, and it's snuck up on me. "Hurry up and wait" has been the order of the day for the past 6 weeks, and now it's simply "hurry up".

On that note, I'm off to get some ingredients for Thai Coconut Chicken soup, and grab some boxes from the Beer Store. Of course I'll make a donation as well... and they'll give me beer as a thank-you for the donation.

All Is Going According to My Evil Plan

Went in for my consultation for wavefront PRK surgery this morning, and I'm approved and highly eligible (how often do I hear that?). Surgery date is the 21st, but I need to go in this Friday to have a 30-minute map of my eye done. I called for a dentist appointment today, and someone had just canceled so I'm going in tomorrow morning at 8:30.

Now I just need to get my travel vaccines done (yay for OHIP coverage) and try to find the number for the specialist I'm supposed to see so I can reschedule that, and I'm rockin'. Hooray for things working out regardless of not having had a plan in place!

Eye Surgery

Woohoo! I'm going in tomorrow morning (Tuesday) for a consultation, and if all is well at that time, I'll be having Wave-front PRK surgery on the 21st of June, with approx 3 days recovery time. It will be with Dr. Edmison, the director of Focus Eye Centre.

Yay! One step out of the way. Now to check on times when I can get my travel vaccines and schedule a dentist appointment.

The only issue is this may infringe on Angie's visit. I hope it won't, or that I'm not half-blind. I'll need to check with her to confirm when she's coming up. If it's on the 23rd, then all should be well.

I'm excited about this. Apparently, vision correction between -1.00 and -6.00 is considered low correction, and has the highest improvement rates. I'm at -5.25 and -5.75.

China, Here I Come

That's the news. I'm off to China asap, which for me is the 1st or 2nd of July. Booya. I'll be staying a day in Beijing, then traveling to Shijiazhuang, where I'll stay while I use their office to find a contract directly with a school. The agency is called New Times.

Lots to do between now and then: get my travel vaccines for that region, get wave-front PRK surgery, go to a dentist, pack, skip around the neighbourhood with glee, etc.

WEEEE!

I actually had to turn down a job offer in Japan because they wanted me to be able to get over there within 2 weeks. I had to politely decline. At the same time, the offer from China came through. I just need to check out references, some of which they provide up front, and I may ask for others or simply fire questions their way. Linda's been awesome, being in China right now teaching, so I've been bugging her unmercifully for information on cost of living and other things.

Suffice it to say, I'm excited. That's all for now.

EDIT: errr... not 1st or 2nd of July, but likely 15th - 20th timeframe.

Not asking for much

... just a little good news.

The application and submission process for overseas teaching opportunities has been depressing, to say the least. I would have been good to go for two positions in Japan, however... one required that I already be in Japan for a face-to-face interview, and the other required that I at least be able to have an interview in Vancouver. The opportunity in the Czech Republic? Need an EU passport. Other opportunities? Either in Tokyo or requiring a year's+ experience.

I've heard that it is possible to obtain an EU passport if one has a family member within 2 generations (or is it 3?) that was born in an EU country. My grandfather qualifies, having been born in Poland before coming to Canada in 1921 or something. Poland joined the EU in May 2004. I will find out more about that process and qualifications this afternoon, I hope.

So yeah. It's a bit disheartening, but I'm keeping at it despite the constant set-backs and lack of responses.