Friday, November 03, 2006

Alien Loves Predator

I'm always on the lookout for decent webcomics, and I stumbled upon this sometime earlier this week: Alien Loves Predator. Usually quite funny, and the bonus is that it's been going a while so I can go through the archive like a fiend and (so far) not run out of new comics to chuckle over.

I mean 'mom jokes'... with Jesus... c'mon?! What's not to love? Seriously, though, it's no Penny Arcade but it is a pretty funny comic.

In other news, I'm still sick as hell and feeling - as Michael Marshall Smith so eloquently wrote - like "two kinds of shit in a one-shit bag". I just about coughed up a green lung in front of my morning VIP. I've taken to going to classes armed with a roll of toilet paper so I don't wind up like Peter-2: cough/sneezing so hard his hand could barely contain what his body so vocally and forcibly rejected. Suffice it to say, I've not been to tai ji quan this week and that has me a bit pissed off. On top of that, my sleeping has been all weird and out-of-sync. I got back to my apartment today at 5pm and it felt like midnight.

I was 15 minutes late for my VIP this morning... which was actually a full 30 minutes late because I thought it was slated for 9am instead of the 8:30 that was quite legibly written on my schedule. Ugh. It's okay, though, she still got a 2-hour lesson. It was funny... yesterday, I was told by one of the Sales girls that her mom wanted to know if I thought she was ready to go to Canada. I just stared blankly for a few seconds, and a few of the other assistants nearby paused to listen. I just said, "I'm an English teacher. I have no freakin' idea. However, given that most Canadians are the descendents of people who couldn't speak ANY English upon arrival, had NO money and NO private school seeing after their every need, I'm pretty sure she won't be slaughtered on her first day." Made me wish I had a Magic 8-Ball. Not sure Ella translated that to the mother...

Until... after the class, I spent half an hour talking to her mom via the same Sales girl. The VIP's mom wanted to know what I knew about Toronto and to see if I knew the school her daughter is heading to shortly. (She ended up my VIP because I'm Canadian... points for being obvious.) It's right downtown, so I know the area somewhat. Anyhoo... it was an odd conversation, wavering between her drilling me on what her daughter would learn at AN INTERNATIONAL PRIVATE SCHOOL FOR ESL STUDENTS (to which I just about said "I have no fucking clue, lady. You're sending your daughter 12,000 kms away and you don't know what she's going to study?!") and being ecstatic that I've been her teacher. Questions like:

Her: "If my daughter is in Toronto and I'm in Tang Shan, how do I know she's studying? Who will be watching her?"

Me: "Umm... the same people that are watching and looking out for the other 899 kids from Japan, India, Kenya, Russia and French Polynesia? Maybe?"

Her: "What do you think about this school? Is it a good school?"

Me: "... these 1"x1" pictures sure are nice..."

Customer ended up happy, and thanked me profusely. I told her that I'd taught her daughter things like: asking for help, giving and asking for directions, how the subway works, how the buses work, what Canadian money looks like and is called, how to send a letter, what to ask/do at a bank, what things are different in Canada vs China, etc. Ass covered.

I think Ella had a blast translating that conversation for me...

And now I'm going to give serious consideration to going to sleep and attempting to wake up in a sound enough state of mind tomorrow morning at 7:30 to teach my Budweiser VIP, do a kids demo class, and bore the snot (har) out of my TB 5Bs... then head to Chinese class. Actually, I think I'll cancel that. Sleep is more important at this point. Nighters.

PS: Hopefully this post makes up for my boring Beijing post... ;)


Thus said...

"I just about coughed up a green lung in front of my morning VIP."

Um... I know you are the chinese expert and all now, but shouldn't you know better? I mean you should drink the green tea, not sniff it.

PG said...


Yeah, Patrick..

Hey, if you want to reassure her mom, tell her that if her daughter is downtown, she can just stick to Chinatown and NOT speak any English...

Uhm, on second thought, given that she is paying laods of money for this course, you might not want to tell her that... ;-)


Anonymous said...

Hey Patrick. I was a little bored yesterday so I looked at the Aliens Loves Predator comic. I gotta admit; politically correct it ain't, but it's pretty funny.

How's stuff going this week?


Wayward Mind said...

Late to reply to this, but tonight's been the first night I could actually get to my blog. Weird.

Stuff is alright. Looking at a job change, staying in Tang Shan but switching gears. We'll see... the university I'm looking at is being pushy and silly, so I'm likely to turn them down out of principle and the fact I wouldn't be getting much of a better deal.